A mother who never liked her child

That was a headline on the Today show website today. When I saw it, I rolled my eyes at what I thought was just another overblown psycho-babble piece. But then I watched this video and my stomach turned.

This mom has written an article in Redbook magazine detailing her struggle with disliking her little girl. She explains that her daughter didn't eat or sleep well, cried a lot, didn't reach milestones, and had trouble with social interaction from the very beginning. Because of all these factors, this mom simply did not like her child. Those things she wanted- eye contact, milestones, happier behavior- were just not too much to ask, says the mom. The little girl has since been diagnosed with a hormone growth deficiency which seems to be actually helping their relationship.

On some level, I feel for this mom. And I appreciate her honesty. I have tried to be honest with other moms about how Holman has challenged me a TON since his birth 2.5 years ago. In other ways, it made me think that something has gone very wrong.

Holman at about 6 weeks- totally precious but not very happy! :)

Now moms, I'm sure we can all identify on some level with having days of not liking our children. Right? Holman was a hard baby. I'm really honest about that. I struggled with his eating, sleeping, crying, and even pooping schedules! I didn't sleep much during those early days, and yep, I was miserable sometimes. Holman continues to be a challenging kid. He is demanding and strong-willed, opinionated and difficult. (And in spite of all this, I am crazy about him). But here are some helpful bits of news for you:


Our kids are sinners.

They live in a sinful, fallen world.

They are imperfect- every single one of them.

Some of them also have other problems because in this sin infested world, disease and disorders exist.

They will drive us nuts sometimes.

BUT

We are also sinners.

We live in a sinful, fallen world.

We are imperfect parents.

Even when they don't feel like it (at 3 am feedings, or cleaning up vomit for the fifth time, or disciplining and training a strong-willed toddler), God's word calls children a blessing.

And regardless of our kids' issues, physical problems, likeability, or how much grief they cause us, WE ARE THEIR PARENTS, and WE ARE CALLED TO LOVE.


I'm not bashing that poor mom. It's good to be honest about our junk. And the junk we have with our babies. But I think some of these issues stem from a real misunderstanding of what love is. Love is not about what someone can do for you. Love is not even a feeling, though the feeling of love is nice and sometimes an added benefit! Love is a sacrifice. Love is a choice. Love is an action. Love is a reflection of who God is (1 John 4:8). If God only loved us when we were loveable and likeable, my, what trouble we would be in.

"For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8

Yep, our kids are sinners. Just like us. These two facts pretty much guarantee that you won't always like your kids. Parenthood is a high and extremely inconvenient calling. So if you want to parent like God our Father parents us, then get ready to lay down your life and love sacrificially. It won't be in vain, and I am certain that it will not be a joyless adventure.

So what do you think on this Thinking Thursday?